Not a lot to add, but I haven't been ignoring this site/project. My life and finances are a swamp right now and I'm plugging away at 50-70 hours a week at three different jobs to pay off my debt. It's a lot of fun, as you can imagine. As I've said in the about me section of this website, I'm not really a programmer. Honestly I'm not much of anything, small as a bug. Oh well, at least I have a schedule now which doesn't involve scarring my liver. (Never drink, it is a TOTAL system toxin.)
I got to see my girl over Valentine's Day and we had a great time. I took some vacation days and we watched a few different movies, mainly Eastern Promises by Cronenberg, the Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Pt. 2, Office Space, The American Gangster (some 48 min doc that came with a boxset I got at a surplus store,) Running with Scissors, and Mystic River.
I wasn't crazy about the last Hunger Games movie. Really found the ending rushed and dissapointing, but I like the little kindship Snow & Katniss shared at the end before his brutal death ala Mussolini etc all. Unsurprisingly, my favorite watch was Eastern Promises. It's very hard to be dissapointed in a Cronenberg/Vigo project; and this movie was solid. The opening scene and birth was a touch jarring though; but I guess this is something I should expect from a body-horror director making a movie about human trafficking. Office Space was fine, I see the cultural appeal and love Mike Judge in general but it hasn't exactly aged the best. Overall, I'm glad I finally took the time to watch it and get it out of my backlog. The American Gangster is a passable 48 minute short covering early mob fiends like Lucky Luciano and Al Capone which is scarcely memorable and does go much beyond surface facts. As I said earlier this was in a small boxset also containing Snatch, Donny Braso, and Goodfellas. Running with Scissors was a mess. I found it all over the placce and stiff, it felt like everyone in the film didn't want to be involved. I've also read the source material which wasn't the greatest either, no offense intended Mr. Augustin Burroughs. Mystic River was a fun little crime drama based on the Denis Lahane novel which explores themes of crime, identity, child sexual abuse, murder, revenge, miscommunication, and trauma. Sean Penn's performance in the park felt like it keep from the deepest depths of his soul, it was truly riveting. All around a fantastic piece by the master Mr. Clint Eastwood.
Okay, now let's talk valentines. I don't have a lot of spare funds at me by the time I get rents and all the bills pad, so when Em came down; I hit the grocery store beforehand and stocked up, (grabbing a red rose, of course,) and headed home to her. When I got in the door and unpacked things, we put her rose in a wine bottle I have which was shaped like a cat and a lovely red color. She didn't take this home with her, but we cut the rose's head which she kept. Em makes a nice breakfast, usually french toast, pancakes, peanut butter cookies (not for breakfast,) and sometimes grilled cheese on a full moon. I love getting into bed and having a plate of her cooking and putting on a movie or gaming; or just talking while she scrolls on her phone. We didn't do much beyond go shopping at a few pawn shops; spending way too much money. She also got several Pokemon modeling kits as a gift! But I don't think I can really get into all of this now, it's nearly 1 AM and I've got to go back to grinding away at debt tomorrow. Goodbye for now, your admin
I feel like I neglected to discuss a big part of Valentine's Day in the previous post, and that was what my girlfriend ended up getting for me for valentine's day. I like to collect trinkets and miniatures, especially if they're cheaply made of Chinese molded plastic in factories that destroy the world. Recently, my girlfriend started buying me these $5 Tsunameez figures from the dollar store; which are small hard-plastic keychains shaped like sandwich bags. Inside floats a neon colored viscous fluid, and on top sits one of eight collectable Tsunameez figures. Currently, I owen six out eight and they sit in front of my Commodore 64, waiting. With this explaination, I can now explain the lineage of La Goop and my girlfriends' latest visit.
I live on an island and my girlfriend lives in a neighboring province, so while we do not have the benefit of seeing each other everyday; she regularly travels to my home to see me. On her last visit for Valentine's Day, she brought an elaborate gift. She designed for me an elaborate bouqet of Mars Bars and Swedish Berry candies (some of my favorites!), adding a plush teal colored (favorite color) axolotl to the top of it as well as a small purple heart. It was one of the most touching gifts I'd ever received. Then she mentioned there was something else: a "lil guy," as we call them. This is how I met the immnent Kirby LaGoop, and in time; the rest of the LaGoop Lineage.
Suspended in a neon-green slime inside of a hard synthetic plastic, Kirby LaGoop thinks. His hair is pink, his skin is white, stars float endlessly by his face; their flecks of gold twinkling in neverending green night. Kirby is a unicorn, the only in his family of Tsunameez brothers. The rest of the Tsunameez are a mixed ilk of species, specifically sea creatures like Blobfish, Axolotls, Clownfish, and a few others. The girfriend has desperately hunting for the blobfish model to no avail, but we DID recently get a blobfish model with a clowns face, which unfortunately for her doesn't count. Oh well, he's mine now.
I've taken to giving these little figurines names. The unicorn is Kirby LaGoop, the original. They go as follows: Malmo LaGoop: Axolotl, Ziggy LaGoop: Axolotl, Cindy LaGoop: Axolotl, Armond LaGoop: Clownfish, and Juno LaGoop, the final axolotl. I'll be frank: I stole the initial name, Kirby LaGoop from a rapper who collabed with Joeyy; but the rest come from the center of my head to form this divine lineage. The LaGoops do not do much, suspended in slime in front of my PC without a word, waiting for their ultimate purpose to be revealed.
Okay, I sound schizophrenic. Now let's jump ahead to this week. I worked like a dog between my two jobs and did some photography for a friend throughout the week which netted me an extra $350. This made up for the fact I owe the government money on my tax return, something I'd like to note irks me as I only make around $35,000 and had to get a second job to cover expenses. In turn, this put me in a new tax bracket and the bastard thieves of this failed socialist government decided to run up a tab in my name. Thankfully, Em was lucky to receive her tax return and booked us tickets both to visit me this weekend (which I'll discuss below,) and also tickets to a comic book expo at the end of the month.
Such a gift she is, she arrived Friday and my friend and I promptly picked her up before the three of us set off to the grocery store in the hunt for food. Once we got our snacks, I popped some edibles and slid into a warm, fuzzy contented state. We spoke, kissed, caught up, we unpacked our groceries, we settled in. That first night together we didn't do much, she assembled an Entei Pokemon model and watched her tablet and I gamed a bit, playing Max Payne 3. For dinner we reheated some chicken in the air fryer, then hit bed fairly early. The next day we awoke early. Em had developed a small infection, so we set off to a drug store first to purchase some ointment; then went to a greasy spoon big-chain-diner and got some breakfast sandwiches and coffee. Returning home, we snacked and watched the first "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" movie, then I set off for a six hour cash shift. It passed quickly, and I returned home where we had pizza and watched "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest," before falling asleep.
I woke up today very drowsy, and even after downing two Redbulls and having a warm bath, I hardly felt roused. In and out of stupor, Em herself woke up and I toweled off from the bath before fixing her a grilled cheese sandwich and small naan-and-cheese for myself. We sat up in bed and tried to watch "The Girl Who Played with Fire," but within forty minutes I knew my drowsy eyes would not stand for more. We turned the film off and spent the next few hours napping and talking before packing up. She just caught the bus home roughly 20ish minutes ago, and is driving still as I write this. I love you, and will see you soon!
For now I will end this entry with a half-hearted promise to be more deligent with updating this website. I want to definitely do something with it, but my limited technical ability continues to leave me wondering what this may be. For now, I am going to go update my Steam Deck and back-up some files; and hopefully we will speak soon. Yours, Admin.
I fucking hate people. I don't think I can overstate this enough. Maybe it's a product of my upbringing or environment, but I've always felt angry in large groups of people. Note that: not anxious, not uncomfortable, not scared; but angry. Everything people do annoys me, I hate the sound of their breath, the looks on their faces, how they move their hands or pay for a transaction. Somehow, all of it comes together into a perfect storm to piss me off; and I don't know how to shut it off. I certainly lack empathy, I unfortunately know that much about myself. I have never seen an ounce of care thrown my way the same way I have for others, so maybe that's another button being pressed.
Ultimately, I don't know how we as a society expected to ever mass-employ people into retail, force them to be subservient to every bottom-feeding retard on the face of the Earth (while giving them dog shit pay and no benefits,) and somehow expect us not to have a suicide driven mental health crisis. Because I'll be frank with you, I don't give a fuck about your discount, your coupon, what you could or couldn't find, etc. It means nothing to me. Your small talk about your weather means nothing to me. Telling me your son has a cabin in Vancouver means about as much to me as the last load I shot into my underwear. And yet I am FORCED, and again; I emphasize the word FORCED to empathize with you, to smile, to be kind to you; when the only thought running through my head is what your skull would look like on a spike.
Call me edgy or extreme or whatever you like, I'm probably already on a list anyway. The point is I've been doing this type of work since I was 14-years-old and I'm exhausted by it. I am sick of people, their voices, their faces. Every question you ask is a knife to the mind, every senseless, useless factoid you share with me about yourself takes seconds off my precious life that I have to spend babysitting you fucking retards. I hate you, sincerely, I cannot stand your faces, your voices. It would be a dream if you'd all know better to drop your things, shut the fuck up, let me scan it, pay, and leave. We don't have to be friends (I don't want to be!), we don't have to chit-chat, I don't need to hear your little jokes and opinions. It means less than nothing to me. Fucking be silent.
What makes matters worse is months ago I didn't even need this job, but because my country is on a permanent economic death spiral because our loser of a prime minister importing 300,000 migrants; I now need to work two jobs to make ends meet. I was so happy to be away from retail, and being back in this world ontop of my other job responsibilities that actually matter; I'm ready to blow my goddamn brains. The only thing that makes any of this worth it is money and the precious few minutes and seconds where I can get away from all of you, Christ.
So if you've been wondering why the site has been quiet and without a lack of updates, its a multifold problem that mostly boils down to the fact that I'm a "lazy" person (bad at allocating time.) I've been playing a lot of Far Cry, GTA: San Andreas, and Butcher's Creek (great Manhunt vibes), and recently bought a Vortex compound bow for myself to learn archery with. I've been making a lot of dietary changes to hopefully help with my energy levels, but nothing is concrete yet. Overall, I'm worn out, overwhelmed, and sick of everyone's shit. Thankfully, I get to see Em next weekend; and she purchased us tickets to a local comic convention. Here's hoping for a few days of peace. Sorry for the hateful rant, I'm just very, very tired. Talk soon, with more updates to come. Yours, Admin.
My finances are wiped out as of today, I've gotten all of my bills paid but only have $200 leftover to carry me to the next week excluding my savings. With the cost of living going up, I don't see the state of my finances changing all that much unless I significantly alter my lifestyle (which I'm already in the process of doing anyway.) Today is another double-day, with an admin shift at the retail outlet happening in forty minutes. I've still got to brush my teeth and get ready, but in an effort to try to at least make marginal updates to the site; I figured I'd write a quick blog post.
Today I did more than just do my regular eight hour shift at the insurance job, I also did some well needed reorganizing and spring cleaning. I ended up cleaning the bedroom up a fair bit, moving the PS4 and PS2 onto some shelving since they weren't being used and crowding the Xbox 360. Then I cleaned off an end table of books and other some-such mess and moved my personal laptop from the living in my bedroom, setting it up beside my bed. Considering I spend the majority of my time in front of it, I figured I might as well move it somewhere more comfortable and stop sitting in my ex-girlfriends gaming chair she's never come to pick up. I also cleaned up other computer areas in my apartment, such as my Commodore 64 and the Windows 98' e-machine (which I really need to find out how to get connected to the internet or some form of server so I can use it for DOS gaming...) Aside from that, the apartment and its layout are largely the same. Hopefully by having my personal set up in the same room as where I live most of my waking life will make me more productive.
My last blog post was pretty intense and I apologize for that. I've had anger problems for most of my life and despite my best efforts, its been a slow roll at improving them. I guess part of the problem is I struggle to integrate therepeutic techniques into my life even though I know they'll help me. It's one thing to tell me all I have to do is take deep breaths and count to ten, but the act of actually doing so when I'm in a state of rage can feel almost impossible. Platitudes don't help either, they never have. Being told everything will be alright or that in time I will feel better has never helped to alleviate the misery of the now which I seek to banish (often to bad ends involving drugs! Silly me!) As it stands, I feel as though managing my emotions and understanding and unraveling my emotional needs will be a long, arduous process. I was involved in therapy, but unfortunately my psychiatrist left the practice and now I am on my own again. But the energy of the now, and of this year feels different; and I'm hoping there's sonme momentum here I can ride and not that I'm just experiencing a manic episode or something.
Shit, the 30-minute-warning alarm just sounded for second shift. Time to brush my teeth and try to make it look like I haven't been eating caffeine pills and ham & cheese sandwiches all day. Wish me luck. Yours, Admin.
Oh, a lot has happened since our last entry. A bit of bad, a bit of good; and a lot of the same. Let's start with the good. Over the 29th and 30th, Em was in town again and we had the opportunity to go to Atlantic Entertainment Expo; an event she had bought tickets for earlier in March. It was an anime and trade convention, with a large six-row artisan and commission market. There was also a theater room for interviews, panels, and cosplay awards; as well as a games room with a variety of consoles where we played (and lost horribly in) F-Zero on the SNES.
Our first day, I managed to burn through $100 in less than two hours on posters of Spawn, Resident Evil, and Gremlins from the JoshuaHFX booth. I also boought a mystery grab bag with a Spider-man shirt. I also grabbed a few comic books, and Em mostly grabbed stickers and smaller pieces. She also stocked up on plushies, grabbed plenty of Pokemon. Her Cubone was my favorite, and his skull-top was removeable which was pretty cool. We left a bit early on the first day which upset Em. It was my fault, I was feeling like shit, my hip was hurting, and I just wanted to get home. Thankfully we made up, had some pizza; and watched a few episodes of Sons of Anarchy before calling it a night.
On the 30th, we stayed for the entire day. We went back to the JoshHFX booth and split $30 each on a psychedelic Pokemon poster, a Tony Hawk poster, and a very cool Daft Punk print for their Interstellar 555 film. After that, we wandered around looking at the different booths, and I purchased a few comic books. We went upstairs around 2 and had nachos. I'm terrified of heights and this event was held in a hotel, so Em had to hold my hand tightly the entire way up to the second floor. Thankfully, on our way down we found an elevator; which made things a lot easier for me. After that, we hit the market again; spent what was left of our money, and took photos with cosplayers. She got a shot with someone dressed as Ooogie Boogie from the Nightmare Before Christmas; and I got photos with the King of the Cosmos from Katamari and Richard from Hotline Miami. There was also someone cosplaying as Postal Dude and I got the chance to sign their petition. Very cool! After killing time until 5, we went into the theater, watched the brief cosplay awards; then went home. No, I don't recall who won; I'm sorry.
Of course, after saying goodbye to Em and seeing her off at the bus stop; things began to go wrong. I had gotten a BB gun off of a friend, a fairly realistic looking model that I planned to flip on Facebook. This is when things began to go very wrong. As we all know, Facebook (or Meta), uses AI as well as human beings to screen for a number of things such as gore, CSAM, terroristic or violent threats, and on their marketplace; drugs and firearms. This AI, of course, isn't perfect. To my dismay, it confused this Crossman pistol for a real firearm and my account was immediately, permanently banned; my appeal also denied.
While this frustrated me, I figured it was a minor enough set-back and I would simply make a new account. Not so fast. Almost immediately, I was flagged for "account inconsistency." My new account, as well as the second I made; were also subsequently banned. Now, I cannot use the site at all; and while I might try to get on for a final time using a VPN, I've thankfully set up secondary lines of communication with the important people in mt life and may simply leave Facebook behind permanently. Which leads me to an idea I've been trying to put into action for somne time: the new minimal.
The new minimal is a simple enough plan I've had for my life: I basically want to get rid of 90% of everything. This means, I need to watch every film, play every game, and read every book in the home at this time; as well as maximize my exercising and home cooking to work through the stockpile of nonperishables and supplements I've built up. My life has simply become far too cluttered, and I need to make a consolidated effort to stop adding to my pile and instead, begin working my way through it. One way I plan to do this is by taking up the hobby of baking, which I'm hoping will allow me to burn through ingredients in the kitchen much faster. I'm hoping all of this will declutter my home, make me some money from getting rid of things, and ultimately better my mental health.
This has been a fairly long entry, I'm going to cut things off here and go make some blueberry scones. As always, this is the Admin signing off.